22. You’ll Never Netflix and Chill Alone
With a dog, you will always have someone to sit on the couch and binge some Netflix with. The best part? They always want to watch what you want to watch. (Except if it’s Stranger Things. You have already watched season 1 three times and need to give it a rest.)
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21. You’ll Always Have a Workout Buddy
Let’s be honest, sometimes it’s hard to motivate ourselves to exercise. But when a dog depends completely on you to experience the outside world, how could you deny such a cute face that right? You end up feeling good about yourself and your dog parenting skills, and feel less guilty about the entire pizza you will eat later that night.
20. You Have a Thunder Buddy for Life
Thunder and fireworks are an unexplained phenomenon to dogs (and some humans who did not pay attention during their middle school science classes). To comfort a dog during these scary times, putting a tight shirt on them or wrapping them in a blanket will help them feel more secure. Along with some cuddles, you two will get through the storm together. Plus, if you are also afraid of thunder, taking care of your puppy might be a nice distraction from your own fear!
19. Vacuum Cleaners Can Have Fur and a Wet Nose
Did you drop a pretzel on the floor? Did your ice machine rocket launch a few too many cubes into your glass, sending one flying across the hardwood? No problem, you have a living Roomba. Just make sure you don’t drop any grapes or chocolate because they are poison to dogs!
18. Don’t Waste Your Money on a Heated Blanket!
There are few things in life that are better than spooning with your furry friend. Dogs are better than any heated blanket on the market. Does your heated blanket give you kisses and cuddle with you? Didn’t think so.
17. You Don’t Have to Pay $300 an Hour to Talk About Your Feelings Anymore!
Somehow, dogs just know when you are upset. With a gentle lick on the cheek and those somber eyes looking back at you, dogs listen to every word you have to say about how your boyfriend keeps liking that girl’s Instagram pics. Not to mention that there is nothing like having a good cry in the fur of your dog.
16. Move Over, Millionaire Matchmaker
Dogs are excellent judges of character. Whether they are somehow able to smell off-the-chart levels of douchebaggery or if it’s some sort of psychic ability, they just know. If you continue to date the only person your dog seems to hate, you will soon be revisiting #17.
15. Protector of the House (And Your Heart)
Is there a person trying to break into your house? Is there a sprinkler turning on at 3am? Is there a fire engine blaring 10 miles away? Your dog will let you know. Although sometimes unnecessary, you never know who or what your dog could save you from.
14. Your Personal Social Media Guru
If you don’t have a healthy amount of pictures of your dog on social media, you’re doing it wrong. When I’m scrolling through my Instagram feed, you better believe I will like a picture with a dog in it before I strain my thumb to double tap your trip to Miami with your boyfriend.
13. Your Alarm Clock on Steroids
We all have an alarm clock, but dogs are like an additional feature. With dogs, there is no snooze button after that first alarm goes off. You are the only thing standing in their way of going outside and being snout-deep in a bowl of kibble and they will not back down.
12. Never Go to a Social Gathering You Don’t Want to Attend Again!
Want to get out of plans? It’s your dog’s birthday. “Sorry, I can’t come to your electric triangle recital tonight, Linda. It’s Frank’s birthday.” Dog parents will understand, and those who don’t are people you don’t need in your life.
11. Bye, Backseat Driver!
Dogs are the best copilots. They never judge you for missing that turn and won’t ask you to stop playing Adele’s “Sweetest Devotion” 17 times in a row. Taking a Sunday drive with your dog will literally make his week.
10. Reality Check!
Sometimes we get too caught up in our lives to stop and enjoy the world around us. Put down your phone and just look at the way your dog looks at a ball. Do you know anyone else who is filled with such wonder and joy when looking at a piece of rubber?
9. In-House Comedian
When you’ve watched every episode of Bob’s Burgers three times and need more comedy in your life, do yourself a favor and put some underwear on your dog. There’s also the option of drawing on a fresh set of eyebrows. Combine the two and you’re going to need to change your own underwear.
8. Party of Two, Right This Way
Sometimes, eating alone can be depressing. With your dog, there is no such thing as a meal for one. You might not get to take part in sophisticated dinner conversation, but you will know the answer to the age-old question “who’s a good boy” by dessert.
7. You Will Always Have a Welcome Committee!
Dogs are always excited to see you. Whether you’ve been gone for three minutes to walk down the driveway to get the mail or three months backpacking across Europe, your dog will greet you as if you’ve just come home from war. And if you have come home from war, on behalf of all dogs, thank you for your service.
6. Politicians Take Note
It is outrageous that after all of the progress we have made in this country, dogs still cannot be nominated for President. There are hundreds of breeds of dogs out there and they all seem to get along. Perhaps we could learn a very important lesson from our furry friends.
5. Dogs Can Keep You Healthier
Aside from the obvious exercise benefits, dogs are capable of improving your mental health, boosting your immune system, and can even detect some cancers. Do you have a friend that can do all that? Because the only thing my friends are capable of preventing is paying for their own Starbucks.
4. Babies vs. Dogs (Let’s Be Honest with Ourselves)
Dogs are better than babies, it’s just that simple. Firstly, do you know how much you’re going to have to save to send a dog to college? Zero dollars. Because dogs don’t go to college, you idiot! Secondly, dogs are nice enough to poop outside and that’s the only reason I need.
3. They Won’t Judge you for Napping
No dog will judge you for needing a nap. In fact, they will most likely join you. Falling asleep next to your special friend in the middle of the day is a bonding experience you can’t afford to miss out on! You’ll wake up feeling refreshed and even more in love with your fur baby (if that’s even possible).
2. Finding a Hoe that is Loyal
As the kids say today, “These hoes ‘aint loyal.” Well, to that I say, you need a dog! Dogs are about as loyal as they come. They will never let you down and will always be there to lick your toes!
1. Dogs Are Soulmates
Dogs are one of the purest and most wonderful things to grace the planet. If you are lucky enough to have a connection with a dog, you end up sharing more than your home, you share your heart! #DogsAreLife